Freaking Strange Conversation at Starbucks!

Okay, seriously, I just heard the strangest crap. You wouldn't believe it, but I swear to God it's true. I overheard these two guys talking at the Starbucks, and it was crazy. I have a pretty good memory, so I think I can reproduce it, more or less. Let me see. The one was already there. He had blond highlights and some tribal tattoo on his bicep. The other one came in dressed in a tux. He had one of those fauxhawks and some black-rimmed glasses. The epitome of fashion, let me tell you. But seriously, let me tell you what they said to each other:

"My, My. Aren't you well-dressed? Where did you go that called for you to wear a tuxedo?"

"I just came from a funeral. And what a funny funeral it was. A gut . . . Well, maybe gut-buster is really not appropriate, considering. A lot of people there were laughing, that's for sure."

"A funny funeral?" Who would endure a bunch of people laughing when the one they love is dead? It's not the time for fun. Why wear a tux? It doesn't seem you should."

The guy actually lifted his tails to sit in the brown wood chair.

"If you'd have been there, you'd have understood. I had a really good time there, and so did all who came. The laughter made us glow."

"Who died?"

"Uh, you don't know? It's Bob. He died a couple days ago. He'd not abide a funeral for him that wasn't formal.

"I swear to you that boy was never normal."

"The invitations were R.S.V.P. I am surprised you weren't invited. Tea and cakes -- a British theme. Alex was there, but Carlos wasn't. They'd make quite a pair."

"Well, Bob was mad at me. Oh well. I hope that Alex and that cutie Carlos -- you know that he's cute, don't look at me that way -- will work out well. But now you have to say how Bob could have a funny funeral."

"Well, there were two thing there for you to mull. One, he was wearing a pink boa and a bra. And two, he did not have a strand of flesh left on his bones."

"Excuse me, what?"

"Beside the boas, bra, and orchid, but a skeleton was in the coffin. Cracked me up to see it and all those who backed off when they saw it, too. I laughed so hard . . ."

"That's sick. I love it. Wish I'd got a card. That was his sense of humor, though. How did he die? What happened? You sure kept a lid on this."

"It wasn't me, my dear. We had to keep it secret. Thank his mom and dad."

"I see. So why a secret? How'd his life end?"

"By being badly beaten by his boyfriend. A whipping accident. Loved S and M."

"Well, so do I. But you know when to stem the strokes. And with the wax and clamps and beads and bites, I lived and you still met my needs."

"I guess his boyfriend went a bit too far. You really ought to stop before you mar the skin. I know that pain can turn you on, but when you kill a man, you're too far gone."

"At least he died a happy man."

"That's true. Oh, what a beating! Makes me want to do some nasty things to you. You up for it?

The guy who was there first stood up, then he said:

"I cannot wait to feel the first blow hit."

Then the guy in the tux stood, they put their arms around each other, the guy in the tux grabbed the other guy's ass, and they left.

Where the hell did I just move to? I've seen and heard some pretty strange shit in New York, but nothing like this. I thought this was the Bible Belt. Why did the guy have no flesh? How did he do that?